


All the Pain You Hide (Let Me See)

by ashesinruins



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Platonic Relationships, Self-Doubt, baby dowoon needs a hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-15
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-03-05 23:09:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18838687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashesinruins/pseuds/ashesinruins
Summary: Dowoon's been bottling up his stress and self-doubt and it finally becomes too much.





	1. When It's All Too Much

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Apology](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16306394) by [Wheres_my_badger](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wheres_my_badger/pseuds/Wheres_my_badger). 



> Based on the radio show where Dowoon said that he deals with stress by escaping from the company building.

“Dowoon-ah, you’re off beat again. Please focus so we can get this done. Also the drum beats in the chorus don’t seem to fit properly to the song, could you change it?” Sungjin instructs, his patience seeming to be wearing thin. He glances around the room at the tired and weary faces of Jae, Younghyun and Wonpil. Dowoon could feel the frustration, anger and disappointment bubbling up, searching for a release. He couldn’t stay here. The walls seemed to be closing in on him, the air thickening, making it hard to breathe. 

“I...I need a break, I’ll be back. Continue practicing without me.” He stutters before walking out of the practice room. His feet seem to take control of him as they guide him out of the door of the JYP company building. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Younghyun stares worriedly at the door that Dowoon had just walked out of. He can see the concern on the faces of the other members. Sungjin slumps down into one of the chairs, head in his hands. 

“Did I say something wrong? Was I too harsh on him?” Guilt seeps into Sungjin’s voice. Jae, Younghyun and Wonpil glance around the room, at loss of what to do. 

Dowoon had seemed fine this morning, going about practice as usual, smiling and singing along to every song they played. Yet as the practice went on, Dowoon started making one mistake after another. His mood grew somber and his brows seemed permanently furrowed together, until he walked out of the room with no explanation. Younghyun’s worry overwhelms him and he dashes out of the practice room after Dowoon. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He puts one foot in front off the other, mind whirling with thoughts. There were people depending on him, who had high expectation for him. His group mates, his parents, the fans. Why didn’t he seem to be improving? Why wasn’t he ever able to meet people's expectations? Why couldn’t he stop being a let down? It was tearing him up inside. No matter how hard he worked, he could never satisfy people’s expectations. The hours of sweat and tears never seemed to make a difference. He was just a burden to the band. All of his hyungs participated in the composition of their music and Younghyun in writing of lyrics. Yet Dowoon still wasn’t good enough to contribute. While his hyungs worked hard in producing songs, he spent his time practicing and going for lessons, but even with those extra hours, his weaknesses in drumming still seemed to be the one that pulled everyone down. He always seemed to be the one who made their band practice sessions extend late into the night, wearing out his already tired hyungs. He’d heard Sungjin’s quiet crying whenever he came back from yet another meeting at the company. And even though Sungjin refused to reveal what had been said, Dowoon knew it had been some complaint about the team, and Dowoon couldn’t help but feel responsible. He’d seen his hyungs’ frustrations when they could come up with ideas from their songs, and Dowoon felt useless as he didn’t know how to and didn’t have the ability to help to shoulder of the stress and responsibilities. His hyungs had so much more responsibilities on their shoulders, yet he was the greatest disappointment.

When all the internalised frustration and disappointment at himself became to much, he stopped walking and his knees gave way beneath him and he collapsed onto the cold sidewalk in a disheveled heap as his grief poured out in a flood of uncontrollable tears. Gut-wrenching sobs tore through his chest as the rest of the world seemed to fade away. He felt the warm tears streaming down his cheeks. He clenched his fists, nails digging into his palms, willing himself to stop crying. All he could feel was the sharp pain in of disappointment which seemed to be consuming him from the inside out. 

Then, he felt a pair of strong arms lift him up. His was enveloped in warmth and a familiar, distinct smell. He shifted to wrap his arms around Younghyun’s neck and buried his face into Younghyun’s, seeking comfort and safety from the skin contact with a loved one. He clung on as if Younghyun was his last connection to the world. He heard the soft murmur of words in his ear, the soft swaying motion as Younghyun tried his best to comfort him. Even as the tension slowly left his body, his tears didn’t seem to stop. His head began to spin and the sounds around him seemed to grow further and further away as his mind faded into the comfort of oblivion.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Younghyun follows Dowoon from a distance, keeping his eyes trained to the back of Dowoon head. Dowoon seemed like he was in a trance-like daze. He just kept walking, eyes straight ahead, unaware of his surroundings. Feelings of worry and unease fill his chest, so he keeps walking even when his legs begin to protest and his stomach reminds him that the last meal he had eaten had been more than 8 hours ago. 

After more than an hour of walking, Dowoon suddenly stopped walking in the middle of a quiet sidewalk and fell to the ground. Dowoon was on his knees, back hunched over, shoulders curled in, as the heart-wrenching sobs escaped, punctured with sharp gasps for air. He looked so small, so weak, burdened by the weight of the world. Younghyun felt his heart break as seeing Dowoon breakdown. Dowoon had kept such a tight lid on his emotions that no one had seen the emotions building up to this point.

Younghyun sat down beside Dowoon and gathered him into his lap. Dowoon turned his face into Younghyun’s neck, his tears soaking into Younghyun’s sweater. Younghyun wrapped his arms securely around Dowoon, trying to shield him from the curious glances which turned their way. Younghyun cradled Dowoon’s trembling body to his chest, tears filling his eyes. He hated seeing someone he love in so much pain. He wished he could take on some of Dowoon’s pain, so that Dowoon wouldn’t have to bear all the hurt alone. He whispered words of apology and comfort while rocking Dowoon back and forth in his arms. 

Dowoon’s sobs slowly dissolved into the steady flow of tears, with the occasional whimper escaping his lips. After a few agonising moments, Younghyun felt Dowoon go limp in his arms. Dowoon’s breathing evened out, his breath escaping from his lips in small puffs of air. He looked almost at peace, as if the past few minutes had not occured at all. The only indication of Dowoon’s breakdown was his tear-streaked face and Younghyun’s damp sweater. 

Younghyun lifted Dowoon of the ground. His arms protested against Dowoon’s weight and his back ached from having been hunched over for more than half an hour. Younghyun walked to the side of the road and called for a taxi to take them back to the dorm. When the taxi arrived, Younghyun slid into the back, careful not to disturb Dowoon’s sleep. He laid Dowoon’s head in his lap, stroking his hair at a steady rhythm. He didn’t know if he did so to comfort Dowoon or himself. He sighed, his heart still aching from Dowoon’s cries which still resounded in his head. He knew once they arrived back at the dorm, there was a lot that he and the members had to discuss, so he savoured the brief moments of silence and tried to sort through his thoughts and the emotions swirling in his chest.


	2. Baby, It's Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The hyungs comfort Dowoon. Fluff overload

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me three more weeks than expected to write this cause of writers block :(  
> Credit to my sister who helped me so much in writing and editing this.

When Younghyun ran out the door of the practice room, Wonpil was quick to follow after him. Suddenly, an arm reached out to grab Wonpil’s wrist. Jae shook his head, pulling Wonpil out of the room.

“I need to go after them! What if Dowoon needs me?” Wonpil whispers agitatedly, arms swinging about violently in an attempt to escape from Jae’s iron grasp. 

“Then Younghyun can handle it. Too many people surrounding Dowoon could overwhelm him. Let Younghyun take care of him. Younghyun cares about Dowoon too much, he won’t let anything happen to him. Besides, there’s someone else in the room who needs our help.” Jae gestures into the room, where Sungjin sits slumped in a chair, head in his hands. Wonpil wanted to argue, but he knew that Jae was right. Wonpil let his arms drop to his sides and leaned his head against Jae’s shoulder. He took a moment to calm himself before walking back into the room. The moment he entered the room, he opened his mouth to ask after Sungjin, but before he could say anything, Sungjin stood up and walked towards his guitar. 

“Alright guys, Younghyun and Dowoon aren’t here but we should still continue practicing. Let’s get back to work.” Sungjin instructed, his voice void of emotion. Jae and Wonpil exchanged glances, concerned about Sungjin. However, they knew that Sungjin wasn’t ready to talk, so they walked to their positions.

In the next ten minutes of practice, Sungjin made countless mistakes. Though he was physically present in the room, his mind was evidently somewhere else. Jae sighed and stopped playing and Sungjin didn’t even notice.

“Sungjin, just take a break. You’re obviously not in the right frame of mind right now.” Jae said gently to Sungjin as he halted his hand from strumming the guitar. Sungjin looked up, his eyes shining with unshed tears. 

“Hyung, please talk to us. It’s not your fault that Dowoon walked out.” Wonpil whispered, walking to Sungjin’s side.

“How is this not my fault!? It was my words which made him walk out. Even if that was not the case, I should have seen that he wasn’t fine and I should have done something about it!” Sungjin shouted in frustration, shoving his guitar back into its case. He picked up his guitar case and walked out of the room, informing their manager of their intentions to return to the dorm. Jae and Wonpil stare helplessly after Sungjin, knowing that nothing but reassurance from Dowoon himself could snap Sungjin out of his self-blame.  
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

When the members saw Younghyun arrive home just past 7, carrying Dowoon in his arms, they all rushed towards him, setting off a flurry of questions. Younghyun shushed them, before walking into Dowoon’s room. 

Dowoon’s room was a mess, clothes and random objects strewn all over the floor. He spots the trashcan full of discarded music sheets. On the desk is an open notebook, which seemed to have had lyrics written on it before it was scribbled over in what seemed like a moment of frustration and rage. He laid Dowoon on his bed before removing Dowoon’s shoes and changing him into clean clothes, trying his best not to disturb Dowoon’s slumber. Then he tucked Dowoon under the blanket. He placed a gentle kiss on Dowoon’s forehead before making his way out of the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

When he walked out of the room, Wonpil and Jae grab his wrists, dragging him back into the living room. They pushed him down onto the couch before sitting down beside him. Sungjin sat in an armchair across from them. They all stared at Younghyun, willing him to start explaining with their eyes. 

“I’m not very sure what happened, but what I know is that he’s been bottling a lot of negative emotions. He broke down in the middle of the street… he… he was crying his heart out and his sobs… they… they sounded so pained, so broken. It hurt so much watching and hearing him cry like that and not knowing what else to do but to hold him until he falls asleep.” Younghyun choked out a recount, tears unknowingly starting to escape from his eyes. 

The other members were shocked. Dowoon, who was always self-conscious, broke down in the middle of a street where he could be seen by everybody? The mere image of their precious maknae crying in the streets broke their hearts. Wonpil blinked away the tears rapidly gathering in his eyes, willing himself not to cry. Sungjin’s hands were clenched into tight fists, his head hung low in order to avoid broadcasting the guilt and sadness that were surely reflected in his eyes to the other members. 

Younghyun noticed the guilt weighing on the other members, especially Sungjin, said to them, “Look, we don’t know what caused this, so don’t burden yourselves with this unnecessary guilt. We just need to talk to Dowoon once he wakes up, sitting here and stewing until then won’t help.” Younghyun stood up and made his way back into Dowoon’s room. Dowoon seemed to be in the midst of fitful sleep, his breathing rapid and brows drawn together in a frown. Younghyun climbed into the bed next to Dowoon, careful not to jostle him, before drawing him into his arms. The maknae’s breathing slowed and the creases in his face lessened as he burrowed his head into Younghyun’s neck. 

Younghyun heard the door creak open as the members filled in one by one. Wonpil walked to the opposite side of the bed and laid down next to Dowoon, slipping his arm round Dowoon’s waist. Jae sat at Dowoon’s desk and began reading a book that he had brought with him while simultaneously keeping an eye on the younger members. Sungjin glanced around at the state of Dowoon’s room and immediately began cleaning the room. He picked up the clothes lying on the floor and put them into Dowoon’s laundry basket and placed the other objects lying around back into their proper position. Sungjin then moved to Dowoon’s desk and began sorting out the thing strewn across it. Jae, noticing the younger’s nervous energy, enlisted his help in preparing a meal for Dowoon to eat once he woke up.  
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

When Dowoon awoke, the first thing he noticed was just how warm he felt and the distinct fragrance of Younghyun’s favourite cologne. He felt the weight of an arm slung across his chest and another across his waist. When he opened his eyes, he found himself face to face with Younghyun’s sleeping face. He felt the small puffs of warm air from Younghyun’s breathing spread across his face.

“Hyung?” Dowoon murmured, his voice cracking. Younghyun’s eyes opened slowly and his lips stretched into a fond smile. Behind him, he felt another body begin to stir. He strained his neck to see who was on his other side and found Wonpil smiling sleepily at him.

“Dowoon-ah, did you rest well?” Younghyun whispered sweetly. Dowoon nodded his head and rubbed his eyes. His eyes seemed kind of swollen. Slowly, the fog of sleep began to lift from his mind, and he remembered what had occurred. He turned red from his neck to the tips of his ears.

“I’m- I’m sorry, hyung! I- I shouldn’t have walked out of practice like that! I- I just-” he began to ramble on, apologising over and over again until Wonpil patted his back.

“Dowoon-ah, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it,” he whispered reassuringly. “Are you hungry? You missed dinner. Sungjin hyung and Jae hyung cooked something for you. Come on outside and eat it. I’m sure you’re hungry.” Dowoon blinked a few times, seemingly stunned, before nodding belatedly and sitting up. Younghun and Wonpil climbed out of his bed and helped Dowoon out of the bed. Dowoon noticed that his room was a lot cleaner than he last remembered, the dirty clothes and random objects which had been carelessly thrown on the floor were now gone. Wonpil opened the door and waited for Dowoon to walk out before closing the door behind them.

Sungjin’s head shot up from where it had been lying on the dining table and Jae looked up from his book at the head of the table when they heard the sound of the door being shut. They both smiled in relief when they saw Dowoon awake and out of the room, flanked by Younghyun and Wonpil. Sungjin walked over and began to reheat a pot. 

“We prepared dinner for you. Though it’s 5 am right now, so technically it’s breakfast.” Jae chuckled, pulling out a chair beside him for Dowoon to sit. Dowoon hesitantly sat down and glanced around at his hyungs. Younghyun carried the rice cooker over to the table, before claiming the other seat next to Dowoon. Wonpil took out 5 bowls and pairs of chopsticks from the cabinets and laid them on the table, before sitting opposite Younghyun. Sungjin carried the pot to the table and placed it in front of Dowoon. Once everyone was seated at the table, an awkward silence descended. Dowoon could not bear to meet the eyes of the other members, afraid of what he might see reflected in their eyes. 

Wonpil began to scoop the contents of the pot into bowls for each of the members. When Dowoon saw the bowl of kimchi stew placed in front of him, tears welled up in his eyes. The older members knew that kimchi stew was his go-to comfort food and had purposely cooked it for him. It was a reminder of the kindness and love that they always extended to him that he never seemed to be able to pay back. His view of the kimchi stew blurred before his eyes as the tears began to fall. 

“I...I don’t deserve this. I walked out during practice just now. I’m never able to contribute when we make music. I’m not even good enough at drumming. I’m just a burden...I’m just pulling you down. Maybe...maybe I don’t deserve to be in this group...” Dowoon choked out in between sobs. 

Sungjin reached across the table and tilted Dowoon’s chin up, forcing him to look at Sungjin in the eye. Younghyun and Jae reached underneath the table and grabbed his hands.

“Yoon Dowoon. Don’t you ever say that again. You belong with us in this group. Without you, we’re not Day6. And don’t you ever belittle yourself like that. You work the hardest among all of us to improve yourself. I think we can all agree that we admire your never-ending strive to be better,” Sungjin said, glancing at the other members for confirmation. They all nodded in agreement. Dowoon tried to avoid their gazes but Sungjin kept a firm hold on his chin. 

“Don’t ever think that we would be disappointed with your hard work. If you didn’t try at all, or you cheated to gain an upper hand, then we would be disappointed. But we have seen how hard you work and we know how hard you will continue to work. So don’t ever look down on yourself like this,” Sungjin said firmly. Though Dowoon heard what they said, a part of his brain continued to yell constant reminders of his self-worth and insecurities. That part of him refused to accept the words of the older members. 

“Dowoon, listen to us. You are doing great. You are doing spectacular. We’re all really proud of you. Even so, you don’t need to earn our love by being the best. We love you as you are. We love you for the happiness that you bring to us by just being yourself. For your teasing and your willingness to be teased. For your constant drive to improve. For the affection and love that you have for us and everyone and everything around you,” Younghyun said with a gentle smile gracing his features. He rubbed small circles on Dowoon’s back and Jae ruffled his hair. Dowoon felt a warm feeling rise in his chest. His chest tightened and tears began to pour anew. 

“We’ll always love you, Dowoonie. No matter what. You never need to worry about that, alright? You just keep being you,” Jae added, a fond look on his face.

“And don't bottle up your stress, okay? It's okay to share your burdens with us, just like we share our burdens with you. We'll carry it together, just as always. You're never alone because we'll always be by your side,” Wonpil said, leaning forward. Dowoon bit his lip and hesitated for a moment before nodding. The tears did not seem to stop falling, so he turned and pressed his eyes against Jae’s shoulder until the tears stopped. He was amazed by the older members. They loved and supported him despite all of his flaws, even to the point of putting his well-being before their own. 

Dowoon looked at Sungjin briefly but averted his eyes quickly enough such that he almost missed his questioning glance. Almost.

“What is it?” He asked Dowoon. “If you have something to ask me, just say it.” Dowoon glanced at him, his lips twitching. The other members stared, wondering what on earth had caused the change in his mood.

Dowoon took a deep breath before asking timidly, “Could we… Could we have a group hug?”

Sungjin instinctively gagged at the thought, as the other members started shaking with suppressed laughter. Dowoon watched, the corner of his mouth lifted with a smile but his eyes watched the leader intently.

“What?” Sungjin asked, at a loss for words. He stared at the youngest member dumbfoundedly, his eyes wide. His expression held amusement but Sungjin could see his earnestness. Sungjin took a deep breath, glancing at the ceiling as if questioning his life decisions.

Nevertheless, he finally replied, “Fine. But only because it's you asking.”

The other members burst out in laughter. Wonpil stared Dowoon, his eyes narrowed in concentration as if he was questioning him on how he could pull such a feat. Younghyun and Jae were laughing uncontrollably, dumbstruck with surprise.

Sungjin rose from the table, walking around it to Dowoon’s side. He opened his arms wide, a silent invitation. Dowoon walked into Sungjin's arms and timidly placed his hands on Sungjin's back, burrowing his face in Sungjin's shoulder. Sungjin wrapped his arms tightly and securely around Dowoon, resting his cheek on top of Dowoon’s head. He looked at the other members and said, “Come on here. Quickly, before I change my mind.”

The members laughed before hurrying to join in the group hug. They all crowded around Dowoon, hugging him so tightly, it felt like all the air had been squeezed out of his lungs. Dowoon felt tears prick his eyes again, though this time for an entirely different reason. His cheeks started to ache yet he could not wipe the smile off his face. 

Then Sungjin, having cancelled all their schedules for the day, encouraged them to make the most of the day and rest after an emotionally tiring few hours. The members, unwilling to part with Dowoon, followed him back into his room, where they all squeezed into Dowoon’s bed, arms and legs a tangled mess. Dowoon felt a bony elbow jabbing into his side and another’s cold feet pressed against his calf. The warm feeling that had been blossoming his chest reached full bloom, and it exploded in his chest, filling his body with contentment and love, which echoed in his words. He whispered, “I love you so much, hyungs,” and he heard them whisper back words of reassurance and love in reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Please feel free to leave comments! This is my first fic in a while so hope it was okay...  
> Twitter: douwuon

**Author's Note:**

> This is only the second story I've ever written and the first with real life people in my story, so I apologise if it's bad :/  
> Please feel free to leave a review so I can know how to improve. I'll update the second chapter hopefully within the week. Until next time!
> 
> P.S. Thanks to my sister for being my beta
> 
> Twitter: @ashesinruins


End file.
